YogurtLand: All Out of Yogurt and Nowhere to go?

Welcome to YogurtLand.Welcome to my life.

Welcome to the land of yogurt.

Welcome to the land of indecision.

I have been looking forward to YogurtLand all day. It's been a really long day, I had a fight with my boy. I am just waiting to get me some of that delicious (and nutritious) yogurt! The Crew (consisting of Cecilly, Kristie, and I) head on over to the Holy Land.

We get there--and I was ready to get the usual. Guava Pineapple yogurt

with red poppers. They were out--of both. I couldn't believe my

luck.

Really? Really?

What was I going to do? I always get that. I never diverge from what I get at YogurtLand, it's my staple.

I looked from the plain yogurt to the red velvet cake. I had no idea which one I was going to choose. Kristie and Cecilly paid and sat down.

I was still at a loss. Which one do I choose? Which one do I want? Will I be happy with my choice? Which toppings do I choose? I can't possibly make the right combination in such a sort amount of time. Could I ever make theright combination?

I take my yogurt choices very seriously.

I settle

d with the plain--the very uncreative--plain yogurt with strawberries and chocolate chips. Safe. Predictable.

It makes me wonder. With everything that has happened. With my jobs, with school, with my boy. I can't seem to make the right combi

nation. Am I stuck always choosing the safe path? The one that Iknow will lead to my happiness?

I have all these options laid out before me. Just like toppings. What do I do? Do I stay with the one that I am 86% sure that I love? Do I stay with the the job that I can have the most stability with?

Do I go for the plainyogurt with strawberry and chocolate chips?

Or. . .

Do I go for the combination that I have never had before? Do I go for the Red Velvet with the Graham, mixed with a little of the Mint Cookie, and topped with some cheesecake bits and drizzled with chocolate?

Plain or Something that I have never had before?

This is the question that I have pondered this past week.

Now it comes to putting it in the cup at YogurtLand.

Will I regret my choice right after I buy it? Will I be dissatisfied with what I chose? Will I be glad I chose something different, or will I regret that I took the leap?

Oh Yogurtland---you make me think.

Got this to work?!?!?

does this work?

YogurtLand: All Out of Yogurt and Nowhere to go?

Welcome to YogurtLand.Welcome to my life.

Welcome to the land of yogurt.

Welcome to the land of indecision.

I have been looking forward to YogurtLand all day. It's been a really long day, I had a fight with my boy. I am just waiting to get me some of that delicious (and nutritious) yogurt! The Crew (consisting of Cecilly, Kristie, and I) head on over to the Holy Land.

We get there--and I was ready to get the usual. Guava Pineapple yogurt

with red poppers. They were out--of both. I couldn't believe my

luck.

Really? Really?

What was I going to do? I always get that. I never diverge from what I get at YogurtLand, it's my staple.

I looked from the plain yogurt to the red velvet cake. I had no idea which one I was going to choose. Kristie and Cecilly paid and sat down.

I was still at a loss. Which one do I choose? Which one do I want? Will I be happy with my choice? Which toppings do I choose? I can't possibly make the right combination in such a sort amount of time. Could I ever make the right combination?

I take my yogurt choices very seriously.

I settle

d with the plain--the very uncreative--plain yogurt with strawberries and chocolate chips. Safe. Predictable.

It makes me wonder. With everything that has happened. With my jobs, with school, with my boy. I can't seem to make the right combi

nation. Am I stuck always choosing the safe path? The one that I know will lead to my happiness?

I have all these options laid out before me. Just like toppings. What do I do? Do I stay with the one that I am 86% sure that I love? Do I stay with the the job that I can have the most stability with?

Do I go for the plain yogurt with strawberry and chocolate chips?

Or. . .

Do I go for the combination that I have never had before? Do I go for the Red Velvet with the Graham, mixed with a little of the Mint Cookie, and topped with some cheesecake bits and drizzled with chocolate?

Plain or Something that I have never had before?

This is the question that I have pondered this past week.

Now it comes to putting it in the cup at YogurtLand.

Will I regret my choice right after I buy it? Will I be dissatisfied with what I chose? Will I be glad I chose something different, or will I regret that I took the leap?

Oh Yogurtland---you make me think.

Is there such thing as too much ambition?

I've been thinking about fairy tales and futures. They aren't all they are cracked up to be. For reals. For serious.

Say you've found your perfect man--that never guarantees that you are going to live happily ever after. It doesn't work like that. There are so many other things that need to be considered. Right now, I am dealing with that. I always thought that when you met the right person, you would get married right away. No way. I'm living in the real, big-kid world now. I have to think about finances and education. And I feel like a little kid trying to pass off as a grownup. So far--I can't say. Let's see how long I can play off this charade.

I have been struggling a lot with the question: what do you want to do when you grow up? And I honestly can't give you the answer. But I do know one thing--I am going back to school. I will live up my year that I am not at school--I am already employed--imagine that! Who would have thought that a history major/ editing minor would take you places?

I am not satisfied with just a Bachelor's degree. I know that is selfish, since in the Mormon community, as a woman, you are supposed to be thinking about a family. Sure, that's all fine and dandy, but I want to be the best mom that I can be. I want to be able to say, "I am qualified, I can work if I want to because I have my degree in law or my masters in Information Systems, but I choose to be at home with my family." I can be better mom if I continue to go to school. And I know, and I want whoever I marry to be the main provider--it's his job. I talked a lot about that with my man, and I told him straight up, if things progress the way that they do--I am NOT going to push aside my dreams for someone else to live theirs. I know that sounds like I am self-absorbed and I only think about myself, and it's true. I know that I can be doing more, and I don't want to sit on the way-side, wishing that I would have done more with my life. That will not be me.

Everyday I sit at work, I am content, but I am not completely, fully convinced that I am where I need to be. I want more.

I can't even tell you that I know what I want to do. I wish I did. I don't know if I am going to do Disney, or maybe the Joseph Smith Papers, or just stay and work. . .Who knows? I certainly wish I did.

I can't help but wonder if my ambition will be the death of me.

Phone Calls

It's funny how you can call the people you depend on the most and they let you down.

I have had a real stressful couple of days. I am just trying to figure out my life. I have been avoiding my parents because I don't think that they take me seriously. I am writing this as i try to cry myself to sleep.


Last week, my mom told me that she "didn't see me with someone like Carlos." What the 24!@W is that supposed to mean?! When the person that you respect the most tells you that, it resonates with you. It isn't something that you cast aside, it's something that you think and think and think about. Maybe even to the point that it drives you to tears. Maybe to the point where you just want to sleep. Maybe to the point where you want to give up. Maybe even to the point where you think, "what's the use"?

Today, after many missed calls, forced conversations, and ignoring text messages, I decided to call my mom. I just wanted some comfort. I had been feeling good about the Carlos thing, and I just wanted to update my mom on what I was thinking about doing in the summer. What did I get instead?


I got doubts.
I got fears.
I got judgement.
I got remorse.
I got unforgiveness.

I got a whole lot more than I bargained for.
The only thing that I wanted was reassurance, for someone to tell me what I was doing was ok.

I didn't get that. All I got, was "why can't you be doing more?"


And when your best friend isn't there, and your boyfriend is asleep, it makes for one night full of tears and sorrow.



This song came on while I was writing this blog:
and it fits.


I just hope that tomorrow is better than last.