Wednesday, December 29, 2010

There's only One way to say these three words...

So I was driving along--getting food for my cat--which, is another story--and I was thinking about stuff.
I had recently had some break-throughs in my life. I think just a different mind-set has come over me.

I was thinking about love. Yeah--I obviously do not have much experience in that department, but i had some thoughts about the matter. I have recently been reading Sherlock Holmes and I watched a couple of movies--they don't specifically deal with love, but resonated with me. Our society is so obsessed with love. I mean, it is one of the most important things that we could wish for as a human being. If you don't feel loved by anyone--you are lost, humans can't function without love. But when it comes to relationships, to love, where you can't think about anything other than that person, where you are floating on air, (something that I have only heard about in movies) it got me thinking.

How much of our perceptions of love, of what is true love, if you will, is based on what we see in the media? How much of "finding the one" is based on what we see in t.v., on movies, in songs? How is that skewing our society? How difficult is it making it for young people to form their own perceptions of love? But even cultural differences in conceptualizing love makes it doubly difficult to establish any universal definition.
(Check out this link--one of the many ways my perception of love has been shaped, it is my absolute favorite love song--ever)

But what kind of love am I talking about? It's not the kind that you feel for your mom or dad, it's the kind of love that I know that I have yet to experience, the type of love for another person. I don't even have a full definition for myself.

I know in my personal experiences, society is making it butt-hard to be able to be in "love". There is such a perception about what love should be, what is acceptable for it to be.

I went on a small internet search on what love is:

a strong positive emotion of regard and affection;
"his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply".

To me, these definitions are rather lacking. But was that because I have been brain-washed to what love is? Have I been affected by scenes of The Wedding Planner, or by the melodies of the Plain White T's, or experiences of others?

These thoughts have been somewhat crazy and jumbled; but what more do you expect from someone that has been deprived of much social interaction lately?

I think that love is something that will be uniquely yours. Something that will be as unique as you are. There will be aspects of your love that no one will understand, save the person that your love is directed towards.

Love is a four letter word created by a three letter word, you, and shared with two.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Humans v. Zombies

A couple of days ago I was with my crazy siblings. We were waiting for my mom and dad (to finish up some last minute appointments).

I don't know what it was, or what the heck we were smoking, but we all lost our minds, all four of us. Lex, my little brother got out of the car and we locked him out. He started climbing all over the Land Rover, shaking it, and soon, he got on the roof of the car. We were all screaming our heads off. "ZOMBIE ZOMBIE!!!!" Lex had been infected with the virus and was now trying to suck all of our brains out. Not good. He even managed to get in a couple of times, but luckily we had some booby traps waiting for him, aka, snowballs.

We even sacrificed Elan for sake of the zombies. We discovered we had the antidote, but only after we had sacrificed Elan to the zombies. It was our good fortune that we were still able to save Lex.

It goes to show that you don't need any fancy electronics, texting, ipods, etc to be able to have a fun time with the sibs.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Throwing a tantrum in Temple Square...

Today I got the wonderful opportunity to really get into the Christmas spirit. My mom bought tickets to "Savior of the World". Despite getting up at 11, and quite literally running around the whole day, I got to finally relax when we got to Salt Lake. I had never seen the lights with my family and since we had gotten to SL two hours before the performance started, we all figured that we could kill time.

Little did I know how much I would want to kill, and not time. I guess that I haven't really gone on a real family outing in a long time. I have always either been with Elan or my mom, but I don't really psned time with my dad or my younger siblings (which is sad). And I realized how different everybody's personalities are. We spent about fifteeen minutes arguing about what we would do and how we would do it. Nobody was cooperating and my impatience began to rear its ugly head. I really wanted my family to see the different nativity scenes (which in my opinion is the best part of Temple Square), but my family had different ideas; they wanted to grab some hot chocolate and cookies.

After arguing about whether or not we wanted cookies or rolls, we discovered it was almost about time to go the Conference Center. I literally had a mini-tantrum about what we were doing. I just wanted to DO SOMETHING, I didn't want to be sitting around.

We finally got to the Conference Center, and immediately, all my worries just melted away. All my stress about not getting the rolls that I wanted, and being annoyed with everyone in my family went away. I was able to focus on why we celebrate CHRISTmas. "Savior of the World" really just gave me the bigger picture of everything. (And it helped that in my scripp study that I have read the accounts of the four apostles of the Chirstmas story.

One of the lines from the performance that really stood out to me was when Christ had resurrected and came back to the Apostles and Mary Magdeline, one of the Apostles exclaimed, "We had thought everything had ended, but, in reality, it has only just begun". This really made me think about how we may think that everything in our world is crashing down. As in, I am graduating from college, I have NO job prospects, I have no idea if I am smart enough for law school, should I even do law school, should I go on a mission...My easy life that I have known in college is about to end, I am afraid to go forward, afraid to fail. I need to realize that if I have the Lord on my side, it can be the most awesome, amazing, greatest time of my life.

After this play, I realized that even though my family is beyond control, even though they don't do things by the book, they are MY family, quirks and all. They are there whenever I have needed them, even though they make me want to kill myself, and pull my hair out, they are MY family. So, as I sit here in my onesie, listening to my brother pound the piano (for about three hours and counting) and my other brother has the t.v. on full blast, and my mom is cleaning something she cleaned only hours ago, and my dad is taking pictures of everything, and my lil' sis is debating which shoes to wear, I couldn't ask for a better family, and that's what the holiday season is all about: family.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Break-time with a Blueberry Muffins...

Wow, the last couple days have been...productive. Go go go.
I am loving it. There's nothing better than sitting down after a long day and being proud of yourself for accomplishing things.
Right now, I am taking a break from all my running around and I am blogging--whilst enjoying a blueberry muffin that I made from scratch, mmmm GOOD.

I really am a check-list kind of person. If I don't make a check-list, I don't get anything done.

Today, I was working on some paperwork for my dad (who is an attorney) and I was really struck by how good I have life. I am so fortunate to have two parents that love and care for me, I have great friends, I am living the life. This re-charged me to finish the rest of the things that I have been planning to do.

Daily scripp study--check.
Working out--check.
LSAT study--check, check.
Christmas cards--check-a-roo.
Sewing project--almost done, just have to do the casing and the hem.
practice piano--check.
revise resume-check.

Have time to terrorize the sibs, watch the Spongebob Christmas special, AND make blueberry muffins...check, check, check. :) This break is treating me well.

Let's see what magical treat I can come up with tomorrow...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Wasting away my Christmas break...really?

To sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.

As I finished finals last week, I looked forward to a Christmas break where I would catch up on all the sleep that I have been robbing myself of and generally becoming a sedentary couch potato. I had no goals, I just wanted to SLEEP. Seems like a good idea, right?


After spending the night with some of my best friends, where hot chocolate, Land Before Time, and Community was involved, I realized that life isn't for sleeping. Life is to make yourself better.

Luckily I have made besties with one of my roomies. She began talking about all of the plans that she had over the break, she was going to write letters, read books, blog...Cecilly's list went on and on. My list was pretty pathetic compared to hers: sleep. Wow. I began to get discouraged, and I realized that instead of wasting away my Christmas break, I am going to make some much-needed improvements all aspects of my life. Two weeks, two weeks where I am going to focus on myself, where I am going to fix things, get back to the basics.

1) Personal scripture study for thirty minutes a day. This has been seriously lacking the end of this school year. This is not good because of all the life-changing ideas that I need to be making. I was in my family ward yesterday and one of the bishopric made the comment, "If your spiritual life is not in order, how can you expect for anything in your life to be?" How true that is, I am going to dedicate this time to read the scripps, and Preach My Gospel (which will be essential in helping me decide on a mission or not)

2) Study the LSAT for two hours a day. I have to kill myself because if I want this to be an option, my future, I actually have to do well on this test.

3) Workout for at least 45 minutes every day. This will probably just consist of me running (when I say run I mean a slow jog) I need to maintain myself.

4) Read at least four books (one being a John Grisham, mostly I just want to read something FUN--for me reading is fun)

5) Work on my resume. If I want to even get a job, my resume needs to be polished and up to date.

6) Complete at least one sewing project. As much as I say that I hate sewing, I really don't. It is such a cool skill that I am just ashamed that I can't pick up. I want to get good at it. I want it to become something as relaxing as calligraphy has become for me.

7) Play the piano for at least 40 minutes a day. Sad enough to say, I NEVER play the piano when I am at school. Mostly because the pianos at school are crap, but, it is a skill that I don't want to lose.

Bring it Christmas break. Instead of just sitting in front of the tv all day and packing on the holiday pounds I am going to actually be productive.

Chestnuts roasting on the open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose...I am going to be a busy little elf this's to me actually accomplishing all that I want to...(if I do, I get to party the week leading up to school, even maybe buy myself some Martinelli's, if not...then that's my loss) Let's hope in two weeks I'll be enjoying a glass full of chilled Martinelli's...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Chivalry is not dead

Yesterday I had the awesome chance to go on a hot date with my brother--FHE brother that is. I haven't been on a real date in a long time. Like a REALLY long time, just about four or five months, and that's a pretty long time in BYU standards.
I have been on dates this semester, but, they had been where I sat at home for thirty minutes wondering if my date stood me up. One time, I waited two hours until my date finally came over, claiming that he had fallen asleep in the library.

This date was different. It was all by the book: phone call, awkward conversation leading up to the question, him asking, me saying yes. Pretty standard. He even texted me the night of asking if it was ok if he came and got me (shockingly) EARLIER. He was only TWO minutes late. Even that simple promptness really made me feel good. I felt that he wanted to ask me, I wasn't just someone that he had thought of on the side.He even smelled good--it was funny because we are siblings for goodness sake--but I felt that even if he didn't try for me, he tried for himself. He wanted to look good because he was on a date, and even if I was just a friend, he wanted to look good in my presence. Not gonna lie, he was the best-dressed and groomed out of the whole group of guys. Props to him.

He opened the door for me--shocker. He let me pick the music--gasp. He referred to me as his DATE--scandal! The little things DO count.

We went bowling--typical date thing to do. Yes, we did get lost getting the other couple's date, but, other than that, it was pretty typical. Nobody acted weird, everybody was nice. WHY CAN'T I DATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!??!

Why does it have to be so complicated and strange? I had fun. Fun because I felt like someone actually wanted to be with me. Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to obsessively creep on this kid, or anything, probably nothing will result from this, but, he doesn't know how much fun that I really had. It was nice to get ready for someone--even if it was my brother. :) It was fun to get to know someone new, and it made me realize the little things that I have started over-looking with some of my guy friends. And admittedly, the conversation was a little lacking (I hardly know the kid)it was fun and kept me on my toes.

It was such a start contrast to people I have been hanging out with lately. In a sense, I got to completely re-invent myself. This is what I am most excited about. There were no pre-concieved notions to who I was (well, maybe a little because he did ask me on a date)but, he doesn't know my roomies (too well), he doesn't really know me. And this was probably the most intriguing thing about the date. I got the be silly, and I had no reservations.

Here's to all the gentlemen out there: as much as a girl tries to be independent, or "strong-willed", they are waiting for that man that will break down the walls that they have placed around them, to save them from themselves. They want a man that will take the effort to understand why the way they are. They want a man that will FIGHT for them.

Saddle-up gentlemen. Who's Prince Charming will you be?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Candy DOES make you smart

I was in the library today studying my brains usual. Except for I wish that it would actually STICK in my brain, but W, I am DONE with finals, donezo. I am happy. This semester was a good one, really sad beacause it is my second to last one...but I think reality is setting in, school is going to be over. I am going to start a new chapter in life. ROCK ON!

Whilst I was studying in the library, my friend gave me a chocolate--being the fat kind I am, I was instantly happy. But wait, there's more my friend! It was a Dove chocolate, and the wrapper said, "What if 'the season to be jolly' lasted all year long?", and that made me think...what if us being jolly was all year?

Think of how the world would change. Think of how HAPPY everyone would be. And I think, that this goes to show that I should be that change. I should be the one to be "jolly" all year-long. How would that change my life? How would that change other people's lives? How would I be making an impact?

I want to find this out. My motto for this year: "My life: the season of jolly".

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Driving Dreams

My friend and I have this ritual of going at a ridiculous hour to swim. Think 6 am. This morning, we gave Cecilly a ride up to the bibliotecha where her final was.

One of my dreams has always been to drive on campus. As in, driving up to a building, where people WALK. Jokingly, I told my friend, just keep going, just keep going. Guess what...he did. We drove all the way up to the doors of the bibliotecha. I was peeing in my pants because of the excitement! I wasn't even driving, and my dream had just come true!!!

Have I driven on campus? Yup.

Was it illegal? Probably.

Did it make my week? Hecka yeah!

I can die happy now.

For reals, not for fakes.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Deciding not to be a package deal anymore...

Here's the thing, I have always been a "package-deal" kind of friend. If you get me, you are usually going to get another one of my friends. It has always worked like that, except for, about three (well, now four) instances in my life. I have always had that "bestie" that I always use as my crutch. Looking back at my friendships, I have found that the most meaningful, the ones that have made an impact in my mind are the ones where I haven't been a package-deal, they are ones where I have only been 'limited-time offer'.

The ones where I am me, where I can be as honest as I want, are the ones that I have cherished the most. And isn't that what friendship is for? To treasure?

Today was a break-through day for me. I started to break the package-deal stereo-type that I have set for myself. It was liberating, it was hard. I realized that without my roomies, I am a very shy, and lame individual.

In church, I was going to sit with my guy friend that I always do--but I decided not to, not because I didn't (because believe me, I always have fun with him) but because I wanted to. I ended up sitting with another person in my ward who is hilarious--I would have never known if I didn't 'branch-out'.

Again, I was in the apartment, enjoying the constant companionship of my roomies, when, a friend came by. None of the roomies particularly like this person--I don't know what it is because I think they are pretty cool. I ended up making up my mind to not care what my roomies thought and hung out with my friend and their roomie--which was definately much more interesting than sitting in the apartment. I got to know someone a little bit better, and I got to spend time with a friend.

I then went to a Christmas devo--with some of the roomies--but branched out by inviting by FHE bros. We never typically do anything with them because of personality clashes in the apartment with them. Doing something with them was refreshing and nice.

I came back and was ready to just plop in my bed and watch a movie, when some different FHE bros invited me (just me!) to game night. I was scared to be alone, but it wasn't like they were going to kill me. I went. And guess what--despite my fears--I had a lot of fun. I got to play Mafia and kill people--I also got to hang out with my home teacher, who, despite my initial thoughts, is a really cool guy.

I also realized that I like to hang out with very unique people. I like eccentricity in my life. I like people that don't care what others think, that are always themselves. I am jealous of that. I want to be like that.

I also realized that when I am just by meself meeting people, I criticize much less. I am accepting of funny things that people do because I understand. Having my package-deal friend always makes me just a little bit meaner, and little bit louder, which I have found that people don't like.

This is just the beginning, I am not saying I want to be a loner. I love the roomies, but there are times when being with them 24/7 won't allow for me to get out of my comfort zone. I need to get to know myself by being alone with people. And hey, if it turns out to be weird hanging out with someone--w. It's all about learning about yourself along the way.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Flavor of the Week...

Yesterday, one of my friends said something that stood out to me:

"Am I your friend of the week? You are one of those 'flavor of the week' kind of people. You see someone with a red shirt and say 'I have to be their friend, I am feeling like it's going to be a red-shirt kind of friendship week'".

Ouch. Maybe it's true.
What if people were really 'flavors'?

What flavor would I be?

I think I would be a raspberry-cheesecake,'s a basic flavor, but I would be just a little over-the-top with the raspberry seeds and the big chunks of (and you have to eat it right out of the freezer, or it just doesn't get that yummy taste).

What would my friends be?

Cecilly would be a bubbly-gum flavor with chunks of bubble-gum in it. She gives you something to think about later, as in, I totally save the bubble-gum in the ice cream for later (even if it melts!), but its still fun at the same time because its bubble-gum ice-cream!

Whitney would be a classic milk chocolate ice-cream with a swirl of marshmellow cream, she's classy and is always a friend, but she has that streak of fun, and of course, she would be fat-free, because Whitney is always on-the-go!

Ames would be a peach flavored ice-cream (with real peaches). If you get the right bite of frozen peach, it's really yummy, but if you get a sour peach, it ruins the whole thing.

My good guy friend would be pistacio ice-cream , not everybody loves it, and sometimes it's hard to come-by. But those who find it yummy, really like it. But they have to be careful because if they eat too much, they get sick.

Sometimes these flavors don't necessarily compliment each other, but they are still good.

It's about thirty degrees outside.

I want to go to Cold Stone and order a banana split with a scoop of each: bubble-gum, chocolate (with marshmellow), peach, and pistacio ice-cream. I'd like that with a large helping of whip cream, nuts and a cherry on top.

Please and thank-you.

Friday, December 10, 2010

O the things people think...

Today, I spent all-day with one of my good friends.

It was a reading day today. I honestly don't know why they call it that, not a whole lot of reading goes on.

I got an email from Cecilly, it was explaining song lyrics that we had recently listen to. It talked about vulnerability, and I kind of went soap box drama on her. This is part of what I wrote her:

"I have never really thought about how being vulnerable can be beautiful. I have always wanted to be the perfect person, I don't want to show people my faults. People find that hard to connect to. Yes, it is something that they admire, but on a different, more personal level, there can be no connection there. It is almost like the prophets of today. They seem so perfect, and I strive to be like them, but would I really want an apostle as a friend? Probably not, they are so much above me and so much of what I am lacking, that it is hard to connect. But when apostles tell people stories where they don't succeed, where they do something "wrong" you see them differently. They are human, you can connect. You see that they can make mistakes, you realize that there is hope for you."

I feel cool quoting myself. Soon after this, my friend and I went to our "dinner group", oh how assumptions were made. It is so funny how people of the opposite sex can't be friends.

Given the history we have had together, it is understandable, but, don't make assumptions if you have no idea what's going on. Heck, I don't even. But, today, in the the library, I made a goal, a challenge, if you will.

I wrote on my laptop, on an orange sticky note, "DON'T THINK...ACT". Although this mantra does not apply to everything in life, I think it applies perfectly to what is going on in my life. I need to stop thinking about things, I have done that enough. I need to act, stop thinking about my life, and lamenting, just finally LIVING life is what I need to strive to do.

Enough with the thinking, now for the doing. This is my goal.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Learning from Procrastinating

So, you will probably think this is a post about procrastination and how I learned never to do it again…think again my friend.

I am in History 421, which is called "The History of Handwriting", I have really like this class. Not only because there was almost no homework in the class, but the main thing we did in the class was taking a document and deciphered the handwriting. Because I have taken a calligraphy class, I was familiar with the different "hands" of writing. Unfortunately, this love of history and handwriting kind of died in the middle of the semester. Kaput. My editing classes began to take greater precedence over history, and at one point, even sewing was the focus of my time. Sick huh?

Because of this lack of my time, I began to fall behind in my history class. At the end of the semester, we have this HUGE project that supposedly, we have been working on all semester. Funny. I even managed to miss my meeting with my professor to talk about my project because I had not even taken a look at my proposal since September. Long story short, I was in BIG do-do. Part of the assignment was to find a topic that you wanted to learn more about (in 18th century London), I chose something pretty random because I like to look at the small things in history. I am not a big picture kind of historian. I like to look at obscure topics in history. I feel that you learn more about a society when you look at their medical history, or the books they used to learn how to read, or, for this project, what they did and how they managed to keep roads clean and paved.

I had thought that I had found all the documents that I needed and all I had to do was just sit and decipher the hand. O how I was wrong. I only had 800 words, I needed 2,000. I spent about three hours in the library looking for documents. To my dismay, there were a ton of documents that I could use, the problem: they were all in Salt Lake, about an hour drive. I didn't have that kind of time. I knew I was sunk. But there was nothing else I could do. I had to go.

So my trek to the Salty City began.

I ran out of my apartment at 2:15 because I was talking to Cecilly, she and I have really bonded lately, she makes me think, which will be addressed in another post. To my horror, I found that the Family History Library in SLC closed at FIVE. I would have less than an hour and a half to find documents and park and everything. I literally sped along the way to Salt Lake, I may or may not have been going an average speed of 95-100 mph the whole way.

As I arrived in Salt Lake, I ran inside the FHL and I could feel a sense of doom. I had no idea what I was looking for, I didn't know where anything was. I was a dead woman walking.

I got the floor I needed to start looking, and a sister missionary kindly started asking me questions about what I was looking for. I must have looked like a mad woman because I was soon surrounded by three missionaries. I hadn't even asked for their help. They didn't even say anything and I could just sense the love that they had for me. I didn't even know their names, I didn't know who they were, but the spirit was so strong in them.

They calmed my troubled heart; they made me really think about what I was doing there. I was so frantic when I left my apartment, I forgot my wallet—and my money. I had to make copies of the documents and I had no money. I almost sat down and started crying. Then, a sister missionary took me by the hand and whispered to me, "I got this—we do this all the time, its service." She didn't even give me a chance to refuse.

Going to the FHL, was a blessing in itself. I was amazed at how missionaries have so much love in them. And I know its because they are filled with the spirit of God. I was so overcome by their sweet spirits, and I will admit, I was jealous. I wanted to be like them.

I realized that maybe, even though I joke about being a bitter old person, I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like that now. I want to look for the good in people. I want to bring out the best in people. I want to be an old woman that smells like freshly baked apply-pie (which I did make today!) and people gravitate towards because of their sweet spirit. Maybe, in thirty years, I will be there.

Just maybe.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I have been losing my mind lately. More than usual. I’ve been just buzzin’ around like a lil’ happy bee and the end of the semester pretty much came out of nowhere and I’ve crashed head-first into it. I am the bug on the windshield. SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT.

I may have been not prioritizing my time well, or what, but WTF happened? I was fine last week, I knew things were coming up, but seriously, what happened?

Monday night, I stayed up at the library until 2 am doing last minute projects and write-ups. I may have done something that, when it happened, I thought it was hilarious, but looking back, I am not particularly proud. There was a group of giggly girls on the second floor where I was studying with Whitney. They were so loud and it was hard to get into a mode of concentration. I have this weird habit of defacing library advertisements that are placed in the middle of the study tables. I took one of those and wrote:
Ask yourselves this question, search deep in your hearts
Are you here to study
or socialize??
If it’s the latter, do yourselves and everyone a favor and leave…

Mean, I know. Couldn’t help it. I get psycho when it comes to people being stupid in the library. That’s cool you see people you know, but don’t sit in periodicals or a QUIET study zone laughing your head off and rubbing it in everyone else faces that YOU are cool, that YOU have friends. Do people not notice that EVERYBODY BUT them is silent? Do they not notice the dirty looks people are shooting them?

Sometimes I am shocked at how people are so RUDE. I am not even sure if that is the right word to use, its more like TOTALLY UNAWARE OF THEIR SURROUNDINGS. It’s like yesterday, I was in the periodicals, which is known to be one of the quietest places in the library. A guy’s phone rang and he had a full on conversation in the library. He didn’t even get up to leave, he was totally fine just sitting there and talking in a regular voice. I am not bitter about it or anything.

But if you are going to be living in the library like me this next week, be kind and read this list of LIBRARY ETTIQUITE.

1) Speak in an inside voice. Nobody wants to hear you screaming about that cute girl you asked out or that totally nice boy that you hung out with .

2) Library chit-chats are a no-no. If you see a friend you haven’t seen in a long time, good for you. Get their number, invite them to walk with you to get a drink, facechat with them. Save your conversations for outside the library.

3) Get your quiet zones straight. Periodicals, Second Floor music section, anywhere where you see people hunkered down staring intently at a book usually means it’s a quiet zone.

4) Be aware... of those around you. If you wouldn’t want to hear about someone’s dating life while you are studying (that you don’t even know), I’m sure that they wouldn’t want to hear about yours.

5) Group study areas were created for a reason.

6) Keep your PDA down to a minimum. No one cares that you have a gf that you love holding hands with. Is holding her hand really going to make you study more effectively?

Tips for those that get annoyed easily in the Library
1) Get earplugs,
2) Try a cubicle.
3) Give people a 5 minute grace period and tell them (nicely) to SHUT IT.

I am not saying that I am perfect in my library etiquette, but I like to think that I at least try. Here’s to this next week of trying not to kill yourself about finals.

Be great, do good.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I wuv my friends.
I once again have discovered the meaning of friendship. This week, I learned, again, what it means to BE a friend. Not only to HAVE friends. Lately, I have been expecting people to be MY friend, to do things for me. And, what does friendship mean to me??

Friendship means that your roomies will give up their internet cords for you. Friendship means that you stay up until 2:30 eating tots. Friendship means that you will watch Thumbalina. Frienship means you will run to Macey's to go get a box of mac and cheese. Friendship means changing a country song because you know your roomie hates country. Friendship means calling someone at 6 am to make sure they wake up for a test.Friendship means you can tell someone that when they pull the bathroom curtain back, it annoys you. Freindship means 1 am Wal-mart runs. Friendship means helping your roomie find their diet mountain dew. Friendships means calling someone after a bad test and consoling them. Friendship means not judging when your whole apartment is filled with crap food.

Friendship means a lot of things...
and life is all about discovering what friendship means to you.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Miscommunication Makes Me Mortified--and a bunch of other meaningless mournings

So, my goals for myself are going quite well if I do say so myself.
1)Smiling, this one is actually becoming FUN! Isn't that just the strangest idea? But I think this one may have taken a turn for the worst. I find myself grinning bigger to see how uncomfortable I can make someone. Rude? I think so. But it's making me happy, and most people genuinely look happy when I look happy. I guess its some chain reaction...yesss!

2) Find a reason to laugh when things get stressful. Say the word sewing, and I will roll on the floor laughing my head off. Sewing=the devil.

3) Don't be angry for more than two hours. HA!HAHAHAHAH! Remember two posts ago when I was crying about how my friend didn't want to be my friend...well, good sir/lady...I am an I-D-I-O-T.
Seriously, if you look up idiot in the dictionary, it will read, see Neltje Maynez. Apparently my friend wasn't mad at me at all, they had just fallen asleep on the phone. Goes to show that stressing out about when someone is "mad" at you is only good if they say it to your face. This really made me think about my communication skills. Quite frankly, they suck. Hardcore.

I feel that people don't really "get" me unless they have spent a lot of time with me. Sure, I can talk to people and stuff. But I am always sarcastic and biting when I first meet people. I put up this really tough exterior and to some people it seems mean, but that's how I am. Once I decide that someone is worth having around, I will do anything in my power to make that person happy. And here's the thing, I am NOT A TOUCHY FEELY type of person. That's just not who I am. For me to hug someone, to pat someone, to be able to sit close to them, I have to really know and care for them. Even then, it is hard for me to do. This for other people can be seen as me being stuck-up because I don't want to be close to them, it is just because I can't. One of my friends this year, and people that I went to the D.R. with have really helped me identify this and accept it. And touching people is not how I show I care.

How do I show that I care? I show it by notes, by little gifts. Ask my roomies and my buds, notes are my thing. Something that they can see and touch. For me, a note is so much more heartfelt than a hug. Weird, whatever.

Here's another thing about communication: I have had about three people tell me, ok, two were disastrous lovers and the other was a really cute guy in my racquetball class, it was hard to tell if I am/was mad. I guess when I say things, people think I am mad. They say I am mean...with a smile on my face. That's just how I communicate, that's how I joke with people. Maybe people need to get a sense of humor, or I just have dumb acquaintances, and that's probably it didn't work out with those two guys...I think it's weird, if you don't know I am mad, you don't know me. You really don't. I think that I am quite an easy person to figure out, just spend time with me.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm Going to squeeze every last drop out of LIFE....

So, as horrible as the title of this post may sound, this is my new goal. I want to live everyday like its my last. Don't get worried people, I mean it in the sense, that I am not going to get my panties in a bunch about little things. I am going to be forgiving, I am going to SQUEEZE EVERY LAST DROP OUT OF LIFE.

So last post I was griping about the things that are wrong with me. Then I realized, you know life could suck a whole lot more. Why get strung up about something so lame? Obviously it was/is something that really matters to me, but why spend my energy on something that probably didn't even make the other person lose any sleep over? Sounds silly to me. Big picture here. Big picture.

After going to bed at *cough cough* five am...(being a sad, sorry loser--at least in my view) and getting up at eight to frantically run to my sewing class, I realized that life is...well...fantastic, amazing, hard , fun, challenging, stressful, unforgetable... THE BEST THING THAT I COULD EVER HOPE FOR. It's all about what you chose to do in a situation that defines who you are. And you know what...despite the fact that it's almost been 24 hours since I have last taken a shower, and that I have slept in my clothes that I worked out in, I couldn't feel better. Cleaner--yes, and smelling better--DEFINATELY yes.

But, here's the thing, it's all about your mindset. It really is. I don't know how long I have been denying that fact, but it's so absofreakingly true. I haven't been back to my apartment for about 12 hours. And you know, I miss it. I miss it bad. But then, I got to see my brother, I got to meet a new friend, I was productive.

And I decided, that, in order to get the most juice out of life, I am going to have to change some things. Here's my list:

1) Smile. As cliche and lame as this sounds, smiling makes you feel so much better about yourself. I have had three people in the last couple of days tell me that when I smile, it makes me 100 times more approchable.

2) Find a reason to laugh when things get stressful.

3) Don't be angry about something more than two hours.

4) Do a random act of kindness for a stranger.

5) Workout/play at least an hour a day

6)BE THANKFUL for everything I have given. Truly, I have nothing to be crying about. I am off to keep this list! :)

Caring too much can Kill.

Well, today was...HILARIOUS! say the least.

I went and worked out with one of my friends today, and it was fun and all, but the lil' butt forgot his swim suit and we had to drive back to the apartment to grab it. We ended up getting into the pool around 6:40...but you know what?!?! I honestly didn't mind, it was all about joy in the journey. I thought it was hilarious. :)

My day was full of unproductive activites, which were all beyond fun. I went shopping for Christmas presents for the apartment, I was unsuccessful, but I did have some inspiration. But, then things took a turn for the worst...

I went to Dance lab with Cecilly, I got all purty and dressed up. We had a plan to coerse one of our friends to come with us, because we "wanted his body there", but that failed. Cecilly invited me to go to the temple with her, and I happily obliged. We were also accompanied by the best roomie ever, Whitney.

Cecilly made the mistake of asking Whit and I if we had ever heard of the movie, "Mr. Krougar's Christmas", this was the springboard to madness. For some reason, I thought of FREDDY KROUGAR'S CHRISTMAS.

This resulted in fits of laughter. I have never laughed so hard in the temple. I think it was a bad thing. For reals. I probably should never go to the temple with Cecilly again. It got so bad that I had to get up and leave the room because I was dying...of laughter.

We drove home in the S.s. Cecilly. At one point, Cecilly yelled to me, "GET OUT OF MY CAR!!!" I gladly followed her advice and was left stranded in the middle of the road, in my Sunday dress! Not to mention, it was like zero degrees outside. By that point, I decided to call one of my friends, but he, unfortunatley, was busy. He missed out.

I get back to the apartment, Cecilly was kind enough to let me back into the car, and take me back. This is where things got ugly...

My friend called me back. I have had a...quite interesting relationship with this person. To say the least, I care about that person...a lot. It may be boarder-line obsessive. (I love that person as much as I love my roommates, and that's a whole-lotta-love). The person called me, and I was convincing them to come running with us. (For some satanic reason, we have gotten excited about working out in the frigid NIGHT) The conversation was as follows (on the phone):
"Hey, is Kristie there? Did you get my message?"
"Yeah, sorry, she just left. I was studying."
"Do you want to come work out tonight?"
"What about tomorrow??"
"Why not?"
"I have class tomorrow early, and I need to do homework."
"But can't you just get up early and study?"
"Umm....hey is that Cobin in the apartment?"
"Can I come over? I love him!"
"Yeah! Come over and we can talk..."
"I can't, I am in my bed. I am going to sleep"
*Facial expression...say whaaaa??*
"Um...just come over?"
"No, I am going to sleep."
"You know what, you sound annoyed, I'll leave you alone"

Can you guess which one was me? Yeah, I hung up on my friend. I don't know what possesed me to do that. I am really disappointed in myself.

Two minutes later...text message: "I wasn't even annoyed...until you hung up on me."

I called back. I said I was sorry. All I got was a mumble, and an ominious *click*. I am not sure if he was asleep or just didn't want to hear my crap. And this made me feel awful. The person is one of my best friends, and I can't bear to be so mean...

Regret. Sometimes I just go crazy. I care for someone so much, I can't handle them not wanting to hang out with me. I think it has to do with my self-esteem. I assume that if that person doesn't want to do something with me, they automatically hate me. That is the worst thing ever. I can't help myself. I shouldn't require or want constant attention from people I care about. It's all about balance.

Well, this got me so angry, that I couldn't stay in the apartment. Because we were planning on running, I just decided that it would be better for me to start the run. I had to get my anger out, and running, strangely enough, made me feel better. I don't know what it was, the cold air, my adrenaline pumping, but I cleared my mind...and my heart. But, I was so angry (about something so stupid) that yes, I did, I ran the path of rape hill. I was feeling so crappy that I just wanted to get hurt. I wanted something to happen to me. I felt that no one would care--or even notice. Of course, these thoughts are completely irrational and crazy, but I just couldn't help it.

I sat on a bench in the walkway and sobbed. I was angry at myself for being so mean, for being so insensitive, for reacting like a psycho. I prayed to my Heavenly Father asking him for help. I never have felt to vulnerable in my life. Never have I wanted to be accepted by someone so badly.

I ran back to the stairs where my lovely, angelic roommates were calling my name and going crazy looking for me. I love them. But I only wish I could fix the problem I created. I don't know why I care so much about this person.

It is now 4 am. I can't sleep. But I don't know what to do...

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bloggin Bug

So, I started doing this because I have actually been blogging for an apartment blog that we (and when I refer to we, I mean: Cecilly, Amy and Whitney) have created.

And, I thought, I may as well start my own blog. So here I go.
My writing, quite frankly, sucks. I don't know what it is. But, this will be an attempt to make it better.

I am sad I didn't start this blog sooner, but whatevs (as Harvard Sailing team would say), I am over it.

Believe me, the posts will get better, but this is just the beginning...