There's only One way to say these three words...

So I was driving along--getting food for my cat--which, is another story--and I was thinking about stuff.
I had recently had some break-throughs in my life. I think just a different mind-set has come over me.

I was thinking about love. Yeah--I obviously do not have much experience in that department, but i had some thoughts about the matter. I have recently been reading Sherlock Holmes and I watched a couple of movies--they don't specifically deal with love, but resonated with me. Our society is so obsessed with love. I mean, it is one of the most important things that we could wish for as a human being. If you don't feel loved by anyone--you are lost, humans can't function without love. But when it comes to relationships, to love, where you can't think about anything other than that person, where you are floating on air, (something that I have only heard about in movies) it got me thinking.

How much of our perceptions of love, of what is true love, if you will, is based on what we see in the media? How much of "finding the one" is based on what we see in t.v., on movies, in songs? How is that skewing our society? How difficult is it making it for young people to form their own perceptions of love? But even cultural differences in conceptualizing love makes it doubly difficult to establish any universal definition.
(Check out this link--one of the many ways my perception of love has been shaped, it is my absolute favorite love song--ever)

But what kind of love am I talking about? It's not the kind that you feel for your mom or dad, it's the kind of love that I know that I have yet to experience, the type of love for another person. I don't even have a full definition for myself.

I know in my personal experiences, society is making it butt-hard to be able to be in "love". There is such a perception about what love should be, what is acceptable for it to be.

I went on a small internet search on what love is:

a strong positive emotion of regard and affection;
"his love for his work"; "children need a lot of love"
any object of warm affection or devotion; "the theater was her first love"; "he has a passion for cock fighting";
have a great affection or liking for; "I love French food"; "She loves her boss and works hard for him"
beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
get pleasure from; "I love cooking"
a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; "their love left them indifferent to their surroundings"; "she was his first love"
be enamored or in love with; "She loves her husband deeply".

To me, these definitions are rather lacking. But was that because I have been brain-washed to what love is? Have I been affected by scenes of The Wedding Planner, or by the melodies of the Plain White T's, or experiences of others?

These thoughts have been somewhat crazy and jumbled; but what more do you expect from someone that has been deprived of much social interaction lately?

I think that love is something that will be uniquely yours. Something that will be as unique as you are. There will be aspects of your love that no one will understand, save the person that your love is directed towards.

Love is a four letter word created by a three letter word, you, and shared with two.

Humans v. Zombies

A couple of days ago I was with my crazy siblings. We were waiting for my mom and dad (to finish up some last minute appointments).

I don't know what it was, or what the heck we were smoking, but we all lost our minds, all four of us. Lex, my little brother got out of the car and we locked him out. He started climbing all over the Land Rover, shaking it, and soon, he got on the roof of the car. We were all screaming our heads off. "ZOMBIE ZOMBIE!!!!" Lex had been infected with the virus and was now trying to suck all of our brains out. Not good. He even managed to get in a couple of times, but luckily we had some booby traps waiting for him, aka, snowballs.

We even sacrificed Elan for sake of the zombies. We discovered we had the antidote, but only after we had sacrificed Elan to the zombies. It was our good fortune that we were still able to save Lex.

It goes to show that you don't need any fancy electronics, texting, ipods, etc to be able to have a fun time with the sibs.

Throwing a tantrum in Temple Square...

Today I got the wonderful opportunity to really get into the Christmas spirit. My mom bought tickets to "Savior of the World". Despite getting up at 11, and quite literally running around the whole day, I got to finally relax when we got to Salt Lake. I had never seen the lights with my family and since we had gotten to SL two hours before the performance started, we all figured that we could kill time.

Little did I know how much I would want to kill, and not time. I guess that I haven't really gone on a real family outing in a long time. I have always either been with Elan or my mom, but I don't really psned time with my dad or my younger siblings (which is sad). And I realized how different everybody's personalities are. We spent about fifteeen minutes arguing about what we would do and how we would do it. Nobody was cooperating and my impatience began to rear its ugly head. I really wanted my family to see the different nativity scenes (which in my opinion is the best part of Temple Square), but my family had different ideas; they wanted to grab some hot chocolate and cookies.

After arguing about whether or not we wanted cookies or rolls, we discovered it was almost about time to go the Conference Center. I literally had a mini-tantrum about what we were doing. I just wanted to DO SOMETHING, I didn't want to be sitting around.

We finally got to the Conference Center, and immediately, all my worries just melted away. All my stress about not getting the rolls that I wanted, and being annoyed with everyone in my family went away. I was able to focus on why we celebrate CHRISTmas. "Savior of the World" really just gave me the bigger picture of everything. (And it helped that in my scripp study that I have read the accounts of the four apostles of the Chirstmas story.

One of the lines from the performance that really stood out to me was when Christ had resurrected and came back to the Apostles and Mary Magdeline, one of the Apostles exclaimed, "We had thought everything had ended, but, in reality, it has only just begun". This really made me think about how we may think that everything in our world is crashing down. As in, I am graduating from college, I have NO job prospects, I have no idea if I am smart enough for law school, should I even do law school, should I go on a mission...My easy life that I have known in college is about to end, I am afraid to go forward, afraid to fail. I need to realize that if I have the Lord on my side, it can be the most awesome, amazing, greatest time of my life.

After this play, I realized that even though my family is beyond control, even though they don't do things by the book, they are MY family, quirks and all. They are there whenever I have needed them, even though they make me want to kill myself, and pull my hair out, they are MY family. So, as I sit here in my onesie, listening to my brother pound the piano (for about three hours and counting) and my other brother has the t.v. on full blast, and my mom is cleaning something she cleaned only hours ago, and my dad is taking pictures of everything, and my lil' sis is debating which shoes to wear, I couldn't ask for a better family, and that's what the holiday season is all about: family.

Break-time with a Blueberry Muffins...

Wow, the last couple days have been...productive. Go go go.
I am loving it. There's nothing better than sitting down after a long day and being proud of yourself for accomplishing things.
Right now, I am taking a break from all my running around and I am blogging--whilst enjoying a blueberry muffin that I made from scratch, mmmm GOOD.

I really am a check-list kind of person. If I don't make a check-list, I don't get anything done.

Today, I was working on some paperwork for my dad (who is an attorney) and I was really struck by how good I have life. I am so fortunate to have two parents that love and care for me, I have great friends, I am living the life. This re-charged me to finish the rest of the things that I have been planning to do.

Today:
Daily scripp study--check.
Working out--check.
LSAT study--check, check.
Christmas cards--check-a-roo.
Sewing project--almost done, just have to do the casing and the hem.
practice piano--check.
revise resume-check.

Have time to terrorize the sibs, watch the Spongebob Christmas special, AND make blueberry muffins...check, check, check. :) This break is treating me well.

Let's see what magical treat I can come up with tomorrow...

Wasting away my Christmas break...really?

To sleep or not to sleep, that is the question.

As I finished finals last week, I looked forward to a Christmas break where I would catch up on all the sleep that I have been robbing myself of and generally becoming a sedentary couch potato. I had no goals, I just wanted to SLEEP. Seems like a good idea, right?

WRONG.

After spending the night with some of my best friends, where hot chocolate, Land Before Time, and Community was involved, I realized that life isn't for sleeping. Life is to make yourself better.

Luckily I have made besties with one of my roomies. She began talking about all of the plans that she had over the break, she was going to write letters, read books, blog...Cecilly's list went on and on. My list was pretty pathetic compared to hers: sleep. Wow. I began to get discouraged, and I realized that instead of wasting away my Christmas break, I am going to make some much-needed improvements all aspects of my life. Two weeks, two weeks where I am going to focus on myself, where I am going to fix things, get back to the basics.

1) Personal scripture study for thirty minutes a day. This has been seriously lacking the end of this school year. This is not good because of all the life-changing ideas that I need to be making. I was in my family ward yesterday and one of the bishopric made the comment, "If your spiritual life is not in order, how can you expect for anything in your life to be?" How true that is, I am going to dedicate this time to read the scripps, and Preach My Gospel (which will be essential in helping me decide on a mission or not)

2) Study the LSAT for two hours a day. I have to kill myself because if I want this to be an option, my future, I actually have to do well on this test.

3) Workout for at least 45 minutes every day. This will probably just consist of me running (when I say run I mean a slow jog) I need to maintain myself.

4) Read at least four books (one being a John Grisham, mostly I just want to read something FUN--for me reading is fun)

5) Work on my resume. If I want to even get a job, my resume needs to be polished and up to date.

6) Complete at least one sewing project. As much as I say that I hate sewing, I really don't. It is such a cool skill that I am just ashamed that I can't pick up. I want to get good at it. I want it to become something as relaxing as calligraphy has become for me.

7) Play the piano for at least 40 minutes a day. Sad enough to say, I NEVER play the piano when I am at school. Mostly because the pianos at school are crap, but, it is a skill that I don't want to lose.

Bring it Christmas break. Instead of just sitting in front of the tv all day and packing on the holiday pounds I am going to actually be productive.

Chestnuts roasting on the open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose...I am going to be a busy little elf this Christmas...here's to me actually accomplishing all that I want to...(if I do, I get to party the week leading up to school, even maybe buy myself some Martinelli's, if not...then that's my loss) Let's hope in two weeks I'll be enjoying a glass full of chilled Martinelli's...

Chivalry is not dead

Yesterday I had the awesome chance to go on a hot date with my brother--FHE brother that is. I haven't been on a real date in a long time. Like a REALLY long time, just about four or five months, and that's a pretty long time in BYU standards.
I have been on dates this semester, but, they had been where I sat at home for thirty minutes wondering if my date stood me up. One time, I waited two hours until my date finally came over, claiming that he had fallen asleep in the library.

This date was different. It was all by the book: phone call, awkward conversation leading up to the question, him asking, me saying yes. Pretty standard. He even texted me the night of asking if it was ok if he came and got me (shockingly) EARLIER. He was only TWO minutes late. Even that simple promptness really made me feel good. I felt that he wanted to ask me, I wasn't just someone that he had thought of on the side.He even smelled good--it was funny because we are siblings for goodness sake--but I felt that even if he didn't try for me, he tried for himself. He wanted to look good because he was on a date, and even if I was just a friend, he wanted to look good in my presence. Not gonna lie, he was the best-dressed and groomed out of the whole group of guys. Props to him.

He opened the door for me--shocker. He let me pick the music--gasp. He referred to me as his DATE--scandal! The little things DO count.

We went bowling--typical date thing to do. Yes, we did get lost getting the other couple's date, but, other than that, it was pretty typical. Nobody acted weird, everybody was nice. WHY CAN'T I DATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!??!

Why does it have to be so complicated and strange? I had fun. Fun because I felt like someone actually wanted to be with me. Now don't get me wrong, I am not going to obsessively creep on this kid, or anything, probably nothing will result from this, but, he doesn't know how much fun that I really had. It was nice to get ready for someone--even if it was my brother. :) It was fun to get to know someone new, and it made me realize the little things that I have started over-looking with some of my guy friends. And admittedly, the conversation was a little lacking (I hardly know the kid)it was fun and kept me on my toes.

It was such a start contrast to people I have been hanging out with lately. In a sense, I got to completely re-invent myself. This is what I am most excited about. There were no pre-concieved notions to who I was (well, maybe a little because he did ask me on a date)but, he doesn't know my roomies (too well), he doesn't really know me. And this was probably the most intriguing thing about the date. I got the be silly, and I had no reservations.

Here's to all the gentlemen out there: as much as a girl tries to be independent, or "strong-willed", they are waiting for that man that will break down the walls that they have placed around them, to save them from themselves. They want a man that will take the effort to understand why the way they are. They want a man that will FIGHT for them.

Saddle-up gentlemen. Who's Prince Charming will you be?

Candy DOES make you smart

I was in the library today studying my brains out...as usual. Except for I wish that it would actually STICK in my brain, but W, I am DONE with finals, donezo. I am happy. This semester was a good one, really sad beacause it is my second to last one...but I think reality is setting in, school is going to be over. I am going to start a new chapter in life. ROCK ON!

Whilst I was studying in the library, my friend gave me a chocolate--being the fat kind I am, I was instantly happy. But wait, there's more my friend! It was a Dove chocolate, and the wrapper said, "What if 'the season to be jolly' lasted all year long?", and that made me think...what if us being jolly was all year?

Think of how the world would change. Think of how HAPPY everyone would be. And I think, that this goes to show that I should be that change. I should be the one to be "jolly" all year-long. How would that change my life? How would that change other people's lives? How would I be making an impact?

I want to find this out. My motto for this year: "My life: the season of jolly".