Friday, June 22, 2012

I Need to Get a Grip

Late nights.

Cafe Rio.

I wish I could say I have been enjoying the last few days, but I haven't.

It's just been so hard. I wish I could say that being engaged is the easiest thing ever. But, it's not. It's a double edged sword.

Carlos got in an accident on the scooter. There goes that. It really reminded me that life is so fragile. Even with that. We managed to have an awful next day. Attitude is everything when it comes to relationships. So is yelling. I'm the queen yeller. And I think Carlos' whole block heard me. It feels to yell it out though. And cry. Crying is the worst, but it also is the best because it makes Carlos hug me even when he's mad. And I can't help it that I'm so tired. My school schedule isn't what I planned it to be. But it's ending up better than expected. I'm just frustrated. I want to be married, I want to start my new life. I don't want to take prerequisite classes, and I want to start my MBA. I don't want to deal with stupid bridesmaids dresses. And I hate that texting isn't the same as a phone call.

But so is life. 

I'll just complain about everything.  And forget how blessed I am.  I have a loving family, a loving fiance that loves me more than anything in the world, I am going to get my MBA, I have a good job, I have friends at work, my car works, my fiance is ok, I have an unlimited supply of diet drinks, i just got paid, Heavenly Father loves me. 

He does. 
I know he does. 
I can't do anything without him. 

And yet, I pretend to be so strong. 
I am a silly person that thinks the world revolves around me. 
When I am just another grain of sand. 

I almost didn't come to work today, because I wanted to sleep the day away.

All things have shown me that Carlos and I really do love each other. Enough to drive over even if one says not to. Enough to come back outside, even you are infuriated. Enough to end the night with hugs and kisses. Enough to wish everything was over, and we had our own place.

Fact is: I'm crazy about Mr. Carlos. I know I am going to love him for the rest of my life. I've chosen him, and this is it.

29 days and anxiously counting.

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