Friday, December 3, 2010

Miscommunication Makes Me Mortified--and a bunch of other meaningless mournings

So, my goals for myself are going quite well if I do say so myself.
1)Smiling, this one is actually becoming FUN! Isn't that just the strangest idea? But I think this one may have taken a turn for the worst. I find myself grinning bigger to see how uncomfortable I can make someone. Rude? I think so. But it's making me happy, and most people genuinely look happy when I look happy. I guess its some chain reaction...yesss!

2) Find a reason to laugh when things get stressful. Say the word sewing, and I will roll on the floor laughing my head off. Sewing=the devil.

3) Don't be angry for more than two hours. HA!HAHAHAHAH! Remember two posts ago when I was crying about how my friend didn't want to be my friend...well, good sir/lady...I am an I-D-I-O-T.
Seriously, if you look up idiot in the dictionary, it will read, see Neltje Maynez. Apparently my friend wasn't mad at me at all, they had just fallen asleep on the phone. Goes to show that stressing out about when someone is "mad" at you is only good if they say it to your face. This really made me think about my communication skills. Quite frankly, they suck. Hardcore.

I feel that people don't really "get" me unless they have spent a lot of time with me. Sure, I can talk to people and stuff. But I am always sarcastic and biting when I first meet people. I put up this really tough exterior and to some people it seems mean, but that's how I am. Once I decide that someone is worth having around, I will do anything in my power to make that person happy. And here's the thing, I am NOT A TOUCHY FEELY type of person. That's just not who I am. For me to hug someone, to pat someone, to be able to sit close to them, I have to really know and care for them. Even then, it is hard for me to do. This for other people can be seen as me being stuck-up because I don't want to be close to them, it is just because I can't. One of my friends this year, and people that I went to the D.R. with have really helped me identify this and accept it. And touching people is not how I show I care.

How do I show that I care? I show it by notes, by little gifts. Ask my roomies and my buds, notes are my thing. Something that they can see and touch. For me, a note is so much more heartfelt than a hug. Weird, whatever.

Here's another thing about communication: I have had about three people tell me, ok, two were disastrous lovers and the other was a really cute guy in my racquetball class, it was hard to tell if I am/was mad. I guess when I say things, people think I am mad. They say I am mean...with a smile on my face. That's just how I communicate, that's how I joke with people. Maybe people need to get a sense of humor, or I just have dumb acquaintances, and that's probably it didn't work out with those two guys...I think it's weird, if you don't know I am mad, you don't know me. You really don't. I think that I am quite an easy person to figure out, just spend time with me.


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