Sunday, December 12, 2010

Deciding not to be a package deal anymore...

Here's the thing, I have always been a "package-deal" kind of friend. If you get me, you are usually going to get another one of my friends. It has always worked like that, except for, about three (well, now four) instances in my life. I have always had that "bestie" that I always use as my crutch. Looking back at my friendships, I have found that the most meaningful, the ones that have made an impact in my mind are the ones where I haven't been a package-deal, they are ones where I have only been 'limited-time offer'.

The ones where I am me, where I can be as honest as I want, are the ones that I have cherished the most. And isn't that what friendship is for? To treasure?

Today was a break-through day for me. I started to break the package-deal stereo-type that I have set for myself. It was liberating, it was hard. I realized that without my roomies, I am a very shy, and lame individual.

In church, I was going to sit with my guy friend that I always do--but I decided not to, not because I didn't (because believe me, I always have fun with him) but because I wanted to. I ended up sitting with another person in my ward who is hilarious--I would have never known if I didn't 'branch-out'.

Again, I was in the apartment, enjoying the constant companionship of my roomies, when, a friend came by. None of the roomies particularly like this person--I don't know what it is because I think they are pretty cool. I ended up making up my mind to not care what my roomies thought and hung out with my friend and their roomie--which was definately much more interesting than sitting in the apartment. I got to know someone a little bit better, and I got to spend time with a friend.

I then went to a Christmas devo--with some of the roomies--but branched out by inviting by FHE bros. We never typically do anything with them because of personality clashes in the apartment with them. Doing something with them was refreshing and nice.

I came back and was ready to just plop in my bed and watch a movie, when some different FHE bros invited me (just me!) to game night. I was scared to be alone, but it wasn't like they were going to kill me. I went. And guess what--despite my fears--I had a lot of fun. I got to play Mafia and kill people--I also got to hang out with my home teacher, who, despite my initial thoughts, is a really cool guy.

I also realized that I like to hang out with very unique people. I like eccentricity in my life. I like people that don't care what others think, that are always themselves. I am jealous of that. I want to be like that.

I also realized that when I am just by meself meeting people, I criticize much less. I am accepting of funny things that people do because I understand. Having my package-deal friend always makes me just a little bit meaner, and little bit louder, which I have found that people don't like.

This is just the beginning, I am not saying I want to be a loner. I love the roomies, but there are times when being with them 24/7 won't allow for me to get out of my comfort zone. I need to get to know myself by being alone with people. And hey, if it turns out to be weird hanging out with someone--w. It's all about learning about yourself along the way.

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